3.5 Weeks

I have been struggling with something… I have been thinking about the time of death with Curren. He was pronounced dead at 10:10 in the ER. I really need to know if he had a heart beat at home. I couldn’t feel one but I was shaking so badly that I wouldn’t of been able to even if he had one. They did use the shock pads on him at my house to start his heart, so that does tell me that it wasn’t beating.. Did it start again? Did he really die here? I don’t know if these answers will help, but I just cant let them go.

I went to the Dr’s today. She wanted to make sure I was ok after the funeral. I told her about how every time I see the picture of him trapped underneath the dresser I can’t breath and my face gets tingly. She told me that I was having panic attacks from post traumatic stress. I know that this is something that will stay with me. It is burned into my mind. It’s there when I go to sleep (for the hour that i actually sleep) and there when I wake up.

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